I drew in pencil as all the nail buffing and hand cream had put my hands in a more delicate (in a good way) state. If I'd just been cleaning the house and put them in a more weathered state I probably would have drawn in pen. I coloured the nails with nail varnish (Rimmel) and for the ring I coloured in with a neon yellow nail varnish - which I rarely wear because it might be a great colour but the varnish itself is abysmal! Doesn't go on well, doesn't self-level and chips really quickly. It's from American Apparel. I don't recommend it! Again, the scanner won't pick up the neon which is a shame because I think the neon gives this a really graphic look and makes it obvious why I didn't colour the hands.
There was originally no pink around the background of this, it was just plain sketchbook background. But then I had a bit of a mixed day yesterday which unfortunately came out in my sketchbook. It was actually a really productive day but also, I overheard my neighbour say something about me which really upset me. I won't go on about it here, but in the evening when I was trying to finish this drawing I ended up making a note of what had happened during the day, as I sometimes do in this sketchbook. I really don't want there to be negativity in the sketchbook, like I don't want it in my life because I don't want it to be around the baby. But it has been really evident that during my pregnancy, certain people from different camps have, to be blunt, taken the piss a bit. Basically I see it as that they've used my positivity and the result of the hard work I've done to deal with my situation as an excuse to treat me in a way that I would never dream of treating a pregnant woman, let alone one who is going through a pregnancy alone. Letting me down, piling their own problems on me and not even asking me how I am, expecting me to be able to continue to physically and emotionally deal with things in the same way as I would have done when I was not pregnant and was working full time. The result for my sketchbook was that I guess while I was doing this page something in me thought that maybe an important part of my pregnancy sketchbook was to at some point spell it out more clearly that it's not all roses.
However, I guess pregnancy does bring about emotional waverings and when I woke up this morning I decided 'no', I'm not prepared to have that in my sketchbook. Because people who can't see that a pregnant woman who's been left by her partner should perhaps be cut a bit of slack are just a pitiful bunch. There are other people in my life who have the same level on knowledge about what I've been going through who have been really supportive. They didn't need it spelling out. They didn't need me to be one of those people who cries out 'woe is me', never has a smile on my face, and talks endlessly about their situation in order to have an inkling that as well as all the happiness and excitement of looking forward to having the baby, and alongside all the art classes and sketching, thre is no husband sitting next to me on the sofa to share it all with. When I'm exhausted and it makes my legs and my tummy ache to stand up and walk even a few yards and there's no milk or fruit in the fridge, there's no father of the baby there to jump in the car and pop out to Tesco to get it. A friend of mine, who is also going to the baby's Godfather, sent me an email a couple of weeks ago. In it he spoke about being Godfather and told me some news about what he was up to etc. And there was also this line where he said 'I know it's not easy for you'. It meant so much to me. Because that's all it takes. And remembering that is the reason why I now have a lovely pretty pink background around this sketch of the hand in my background, which I really really enjoyed painting.
It's strange for me to write this stuff but, as per the usual format, it's the story behind the painting so that's why it is here.
Oh, and here is the painting!
I had a hard time being pregnant even with a husband. I really hated it, I cannot imagine what you are going through. Just having someone to say 'my feet hurt' to a billion times a day was helpful. And the bad days....I was so thankful he was there. You don't have to smile all the time, you can be crabby or teary, or whatever, and don't feel bad about it. You are seriously one strong lady for doing it! yay you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for you lovely comment, Rachel. It certainly cheered me up! x
DeleteI too try to remain positive in my sketchbook...like a way to practice gratitude, I guess. And focussing on the positive as a way to attract more of it! I do like to vent though. So I use a cheap composition book to ramble when I need to (morning pages-style). It's so hard what you're doing, especially on your own. Pregnancy is hard. But how much joy too :)
ReplyDeleteThank you. I definitely agree. I found that painting the page pink actually made me feel much better than the venting so it definitely attracted more positivity!
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